Sunday, 26 November 2006

the drugs don't work, they just make you grumpy

I've had a very traumatic weekend so far,I just wish my mum would go back to work and leave me alone!

Yesterday, much to mine and my sisters' disgust, she fed us disgusting tablets! I remember, this thing happens every few months where she chases one or other of us around the house, pins us in a head lock and tries to force our mouths open and feed grim tablets down our throats! I think I'd rather eat worms!!

Well, anyway, when it was my turn, she grabbed me, turned me upside down and I was trying to kick, scratch, bite and do whatever I could to make her go away but she just wouildn't! I kept spitting it out but she kept putting it back and I was dribbling all this pink froth everywhere! I even tried hiding it under my tongue or in my lips and getting rid of it when she wasn't looking, but still that didn't work! and she tells people she's blind! blind my arse!!

When it was Pixie's turn though, she didn't complain as much as me, but she's never had these tablets before......she was really sick everywhere later although i'm not sure if that was the wormer or because Dennace came to visit and kept trying to rape her! I was very jealous of this and thought he might at least give me some sexual attention, but alas, he didn't! he waa just strutting around the house grumbling and crooning!

Lola hid in the spare room to try to get away from the dreaded medicine but mummy found her. I think lola fought her own corner though, as mummy did come out covered in scratches and bites, and by the sounds of the the noises Lola was making I bet mummy was a bit scared!! serves her right!!

THen, because pixie had been sick anywhere none of us got any dinner and I was starving this morning. I could have faded away into nothing, developed malnutrition even! it's not fair!!

Thursday, 23 November 2006

the value of diversity

As you can see from the picture of me on the right, my mummy bought me a present from the pet shop; a very pretty pink gay feather boa! don't I look magnificent in it? I'm so glad that my mummy is a follower of all things diverse and allows me to celebrate my sexuality with pride! The only trouble is, the feathers keep falling out but there you go! I love to mince around the house, my boa around my body purring and admiring my beauty!

Sunday, 19 November 2006

Today I went visiting

Mummy is a dirty rotten stop out! last night, she went somewhere, dressed up all nice and didn't come home until after midnight! she didn't bother feeding me or my sisters before she went, so we were all starving by the time she deigned to come home! I mean, how thoughtless is that?

As a result, she overslept this morning and didn't give us our breakfast until almost ten o'clock! yes, i know, we were fed late so what's the big deal you ask, but that's not the point! you know what i said about myself before, i am always thinking of my stomach and where my next meal is coming from!

She got the hoover out then, and i really hate that, it disturbs my sleep and means i have to keep moving from one chair to the next in case she tried to get me with it.

Afte she had done all that cleaning stuff she pretends she loves to do on sundays, she decided to visit other mummy for a coffee as she had run out of milk. Then for some strange reason, she decided to take me with her. She carreid me round there in her arms af if i was some bloody dog or something! she wouldn't let me go and i wanted to sniff the trees as we went past. i didn't like the cars, they were scary and then there was the main road. it made me want to cry!

We got to other mummy's house and then i had to deal with the Dennis again! i don't mind him as i said, but they wouldn't let me play in the garden in case i ran away or got lost or something, i mean, as if! So all the others were out playing and i was in with mummy and other mummy. I didn't mind this as i got lots of fuss and some ham...i love ham!

Molly came in then and we had a little hiss and growl at each other and i got shouted at for being grumpy and unfriendly. it's not my fault if i'm sulky is it? I then got ar ide in the yellow peril home which i like, except i kept losing my balance and nearly falling over.

That was the extent of my weekend, but at least i got to see my oscar!

Saturday, 18 November 2006

when a cat comes calling

I couldn't believe it yesterday, mummy usually leaves for work at about 20 past 7 in the morning, leaving me and my sisters in peace to play outside or, in my case, just to sleep on the armchair in peace all day. Not only did she get up late and feed us later than usual grr, but she also came home early! She caught me out, I like to create this illusion you see, that I spend a tiring and energetic day playing with my friends and chasing leaves. where did she find me? yep, in the exact spot on the armchair where she'd left me only a few hours earlier!

The advantage of her coming home early though was that she put the central heating on and let me into the spare bedroom. In there, my favourite room in the house, the bed is situated right next to the radiator, so I can just curl up right by the warm patch and go to sleep....blis!!

I was most perturbed later however when we had visitors. sometimes, when mummy goes away she makes me go and visit my other mummy. I don't mind that very much because other mummy and i have a very special relationship. The thing is, which I find difficult to understand, is that other mummy has cats too and I don't get 100% of her attention. I don't like this! Anyway, I like seeing my Oscar and Molly and I have reached this kind of understanding, but then there's Dennis. He looks a bit like my Pixie which is a bit confusing and he tried to play with me which i don't like.

Well, as I was saying before i got distracted, last night, other mummy came to visit for dinner and she brought the dennis with her! Then Dennis and pixie got all overexcited and were playing fighting and chasing each other everywhere and really it was just sooo boring and predictable! He then tried to eat my dinner and i didn't like this at all! mummy removed my dinner so neither of us could have it! I mean, what's that all about anyway? So I got in a bit of a sulk and then Dennis tried to wash my bottom for me! so I snarled at him and sulked some more! He is nice really, but he's a bit young and doesn't understand the hierarchy in my house!

Anyway, that was my traumatic evening yesterday. I was however very pleased this morning to have received an email from Simba, he is a ginger cat who lives in Kent, sounds very nice. He lives with his parents, no other cats lucky thing. so thank you for my post this morning Simba nice to hear from you.

Wednesday, 15 November 2006

the importance of colour.

When it comes to colours, I think they are very important and a good indicater of character. Take my sister Lola for example, she is beautiful (not that I am biased of course). She is tabby and white like me, but unlik me, evreything about her colouring is symetrical. She has this black line, divider as it were down her back, and a kind of seam in the centre of her tummy. This completely divides in half the perfection of her brownish greyish tabbiness.

Then there's pixie, she is also tabby, but a different kind. She is black and brown and cream and she looks almost like a cheetah and she has no white.

Then, finally, there's me. I come in every cat colour under the sun, black, brown, cream, grey and a lot of white. Then, finally, the ever expanding area of ginger! Is it this multitude of colours which makes me such a mixed up cat like I am in terms of my gender? who knows. There's Lola, the sensible intelligent aloof one, pixie the childish fun loving one and then there's me, I can never make up my mind what kind of mood I am in.

if you can't work the cat colourings out, then there's no chance with the humans! My mum is always changing the colour of her hair and it really is disturbing. There's been this purple colour, she's now got these blonde bits which i think have made her go a bit funny in the head.

The other night, she came in from her work thing and was opening the letters. she then started running around the house and shrieking like a mad thing. then my other mummy came round and they rang these people and were talking about identity fraud and bogus applications for credit cards. apparently someone had stolen all my mum's personal details and made this application in her name.

After about ten minutes of snarling on the phone she apparently realized that it wasn't a fraud thinkg like she thought, but it was her who made the application in the first place! so how do you figure that one out then?

So, it just goes to show, how important colour is in determining our characters!

Tuesday, 14 November 2006

I think I am a bit stupid

Hello again, mummy has gone out to work and I have taken the opportunity to try to use the computer. It's cold and raining outside so I don't feel like playing. My sisters are out so it gives me time to pontificate and jot down my thoughts. I am a bit stupid though and don't really know much about this internet thing.

Why is it called the internet anyway? I don't see any nets anywhere!

I had a very peaceful night sleeping on mumm's feet. Was a bit put out this morning though as Lola wouldn't let me eat the food from her bowl, I just sat and watched her, I thought I had been left out. Why do my sisters get fed before m? and why does my mummy not allow me to eat from any bowl, does it really matter anyway? i was here first!

Ah well, that is the burden I have to bear as the oldes and gayest of my sisters!

Monday, 13 November 2006


Hello my name is Paddy. I live with my two little sisters, LolaBean and PixieChu. I also live with my mummy and she is a bit stupid.

My sisters and I are all tabby cats but PixieChu doesn't have any white. Not like me and LolaCrisps.

I shall tell you a bit about myself. I like to eat very much. Particularly if I am eating the food from my sisters' bowls rather than mine. I also have my favourite places at home. I like to sit on the window sill and watch my friend John. I always scratch the mat when mummy comes home and I have my favourite chair in the kitchen. I also like to scratch the wallpaper and peel it off but I blame PixieChu for that because she is better at it than me. I like to play outside but I don't quite understand this cat flap thing. I am far too important for that and believe in using the door instead- it is much more dignified and appropriate for a gay cat like me.

I don't quite know why I am gay but I just think that boy cats are much more pretty and more attractive than girl cats. I like to mince like I am on the catwalk and I love it when the vets stick a thermometer up my bottom-it makes me purr a lot. I am also a bit of a wimp and I am really crap at hunting.

I will write regularly and keep you updated as to the most recent musings of Paddy Ebeneezer Cat as I like to pontificate and I think it is important to share my views.