Saturday, 31 March 2007


This week I have been very very cross. mummy calls it PMT, paddy’s Mardy Time. I have really been angry and have not wanted to know mummy, Pixie or Lola at all. I have stalked around my street as if I owned the place, which I do. I have not been in the house when mummy is there because I wanted nothing to do with her and I have behaved hatefully to everybody. I like behaving like a queen bitch! But I cannot keep it up any longer and now I am okay. I have realized that all my stropping will not get my food changed to gourmet fish no matter how hard I try.

Monday, 26 March 2007

Making naughty.

It was an unusual weekend really. Saturday was quiet and unfortunately we are all now back on ordinary food. On Sunday However, we had a visitor. Denny Pixiechu’s not so little twin brother came round. He is huge, bigger than me and so grumpy. He can’t meow like a proper cat he just chats!

Anyway, he sauntered around the place, hissing at me and little Chuchu, I was not impressed at all! He and pixie then proceeded to chase each other around the house. Then……there was this awful smell! Denny had pooed in the bath! How naughty!

This piece of behaviour has inspired me to tell you all about my top five rated naughtys committed by me and my extended cat family. Please feel free to tell me all about yours, I’d love to hear! Feel free to spot the trend!

5: time out:
When I was a baby, I was sometimes a bit naughty and mummy would make me have time out. This would consist of being put somewhere for five minutes or so until I saw the error of my ways! One day, She thought I had been really naughty, I don’t remember what I had done, so she put me in the bathroom for 20 minutes. When she came to let me out and discuss my behaviour, I had taken my revenge and made my disgust at her treatment of me very plain. I had done a very big poo on the bathroom floor and wiped my dirty bottom on the packet of opened toilet rolls, leaving a nice brown stain! I was so very proud!

4: decorating the living room curtain.
A couple of years ago, when mummy went on holiday, she took me to stay at Yuckifield for a week. She was all packed, her suitcases were in the living room and I was starting to play up. I didn’t want her to go, so I demonstrated my disapproval by squatting and pooing on the curtain and carpet, it made a lovely squidgy mess!

3: Oscar doesn’t like mummy today.
Oscar arrived a few months after me and for some reason, one night, he took a dislike to mummy. He demonstrated this by climbing onto her bed, looking her straight in the eye and pooing on her duvet. If this was not bad enough, the next morning, when she was drying her hair, he sauntered in, climbed on the bed squatted and pooed and weed for good measure!

2: interior designing.
My Oscar and I became great mates and used to love to race up and down the stairs at Yuckifield all day and all night. One day, mummy and Oscar’s mummy were late coming home to feed us, so we decided to have a little more fun. Mummy finally arrived home when it was dark, she came up to see where we were and there we both were, sitting on the landing window sill with our heads poking through a huge hole we had such fun making in the horrible net curtain. It looked so much better after we had finished with it. Mummy pretended to be really cross but she almost pissed hersen laughing!

1: what’s for dinner?
One weekend last summer, Oscar’s mummy had gone down South to see her family. Oscar wanted to visit for the night and so he came round. Mummy fed us Hills and then started to prepare dinner for herself. She got a huge delicious looking piece of steak out of the fridge and put it on the George Foreman grill ready to season. She left it there for a couple of minutes while she put the remaining piece of steak in the freezer. My sisters and I are very good and know where cats can and cannot go in the house. Unfortunately, Oscar does not share such manners. When mummy came back into the house to season her steak, she found Oscar, on the kitchen counter, crouching over the steak, licking biting and growling at it. He thought it was for him. Mummy was so very angry and she and Oscar then engaged in a tug of war with the steak across the kitchen. She won and the steak went in the bin. Oscar was so angry, but not as much as mummy!

Friday, 16 March 2007

more about me

I thought it was time to do a little research into the history of where I and my fellow feline counterparts come from. I have found some interesting facts about cats, which you can look at here:

Some of the most interesting and perhaps unusual things this site tells you include:

• Cats do not have a collarbone, so they can fit through any opening the size of their head.
• A cat has a total of 24 whiskers, 4 rows of whiskers on each side. The upper two rows can move independently of the bottom two rows. A cat uses its whiskers
for measuring distances.
• Cats purr at the same frequency as an idling diesel engine, about 26 cycles per second. (I have also heard that it is 29 cycles per second but I guess it depends on the cat).
• Cats respond most readily to names that end in an "ee" sound. (except Pixie my littlest sister) Maybe that’s why Lola always ignores mummy when she is being spoken to!
• If a cat is frightened, put your hand over its eyes and forehead, or let him bury his head in your armpit to help calm him. (this applies to Lola who is always hiding her face).
• A cat can jump 5 times as high as it is tall.
• If your cat snores or rolls over on his back to expose his belly, it means he trusts you.

Thank you to the person who compiled these interesting facts, there are many more you can have a look at if you are minded to.

This site also helps dispel some of the common myths about cats.

Sunday, 11 March 2007

Diagrammatical explanations.

Well, it has been a strange week this week. Poor Lola has been on her antibiotic medication which means we have all been getting special food at dinner time. Mummy thinks we are stupid, so she has been hiding Lola’s medicine in her nice food to trick her into eating it. The trick has worked though.

Lola’s bottom still smelled like an abattoir so I was very jealous when she went back to see the vet yesterday to get her glands squeezed again. Here is a picture so you can get a bit of an idea.

The vet wanted mummy to keep a closer eye on Lola’s toilet movements, so we got the dreaded litter tray back.

We were shut in the kitchen while mummy went out, she didn’t trust us not to toilet where we shouldn’t! I don’t know where she gets this mistrust from, just because when I lived or stayed at Yuckifield with my Oscar I used the attic as my own personal toilet. She also hasn’t forgotten the times I crapped on her bed in protest when first Lola and then Pixie arrived! So, we were shut in the kitchen for a while, but because it was hot mummy let us have the run of the rest of the house. She did take all the cushions and rugs away though, because Lola has previously been naughty by peeing on them when she is cross! Poor Lola got so dreadfully upset though, that the litter tray went this morning and we have all been allowed out again al day. I wish mummy would make her bloody mind up!

Saturday, 3 March 2007

The bum’s rush!

I have had rather a quiet week this week, visiting my other houses for food on a regular basis, staying out late and then coming home for my second dinner. Mummy has been at work all week so the house has been pretty quiet.

There was a bit of an event last night however, as Lola was taken in the car to the vet. She has been rather aromatic in the back end department recently, not a pleasant aroma might I add. She told me that the vet took her temperature, lucky thing (but she didn’t like it) and then they took her into another room and squeezed her glands so that the nasty stuff she was storing in there came out! It was yuck and apparently very painful. She smells much better now though! I wish someone would squeeze my glands! !